Delegate Bob Marshall has prefiled his bills for the 2007 session, and they are HILARIOUS, as usual.

Turkey Baster Bob is going to fight Virginia’s biggest problem: adultery, with HB 1661. Virginia’s adultery law hasn’t been updated in 46 years, so Turkey Baster Bob has decided to add “cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus, and anal intercourse” to to the law, regardless of gender.

Well, at least SOMEONE cares.

Here’s the rub, however. Marshall’s bill would make adulterous blowjobs a Class 4 misdemeanor, but if you’re not married, its still a Class 6 felony.

So, to recap:

OLD
Adulterous intercourse: Class 4 misdemeanor
Adulterous oral or anal: Class 6 felony
Oral or anal for anyone unmarried: Class 6 felony

NEW (with HB 1661)
Adulterous intercourse: Class 4 misdemeanor
Adulterous oral or anal: Class 4 misdemeanor (adultery statute) + Class 6 felony (carnal knowledge statute)
Oral or anal for anyone unmarried: Class 6 felony

Essentially, what he accomplishes here is making an adulterous blowjob a felony, but making adulterous intercourse a misdemeanor–because in Bob Marshall’s world, if you’re going to commit adultery, you better procreate.